Verbal Warfare

Everyone is guilty of this and I bet everyone can attest to this...we have all at one point in out lives said things out of anger that we did not mean at all...but said anyway. We have all let that one word, or even several sentences, slip as a momentary victory for us in the "who's more hurt" war we were having at the time with our mate.  Of course we never mean it but to ease some of our hurt, we say whatever pops in our head that we know will pretty much 'gut punch' the other person.
(This is in all relationships too...family, friends, boos, etc.)

Why do we do this though? After years and years of hearing stories like 'i shouldn't have said that, i'm such a dick for that,' or seeing our friends apologize to their man/woman 1000 times, or even apologizing that many times ourselves.......we still do it.  I say we because I'm guilty of this same crime.

With the experience I do have in relationships, it's much harder to work through any issue after a verbal dagger has been thrown. There was already an issue present, which is why anyone is even mad enough to say something out of pocket, so why add salt to the wound?

There are a million reasons someone could give for this behavior (and most come out during our apologies) but what compels us to keep doing it afterwards? 

This is one of the great relationships mysteries to me.  My personal theory is that...hurt people, hurt people.  When someone is hurt, they feel vulnerable and usually betrayed and want the person they're arguing with to feel the same.  A lot of this behavior attributes to the fact that most people just don't know how to effectively express themselves.  Everyone can spew a bunch of obscenities and talk down to someone but it's literally hard for some people to verbally express themselves.  There are even people out there that think it makes them look 'soft' to say how they feel without cursing or causing a scene.

Whatever the reason is that you may personally have for this behavior...I am begging and pleading with you to stop!!!

There is absolutely nothing gained in making someone you actually care about feel like shit when you know all you really want is for the problem to be over.  There are so many more productive ways to express yourself without hurting someone in the process.  The best way to help someone understand why you are hurt, is simply to explain why.  What can you possibly lose by just putting your feelings out on the table?  That the person doesn't care? Well in that case, you need to be moving on anyway so save all that negative energy and hurtful words and turn it into a positive by using it with someone who will listen and communicate.  If the person loves you, anything you say/feel should be important to them, so expressing yourself should be easy.

It's also a respect thing.  If you respect who you are with, some things just are better left unsaid...especially if you don't mean them anyway.

My point is...........don't say things that you don't mean unless you are fully prepared for any response or reaction after the fact. I've seen so many relationships ruined because someone out the pair just went way too far with their words.  Once they leave your mouth, or fingertips, that's it.  Put negative words on the list with time because it's something you can't get back.

Just be very mindful, even if it means you have to leave the room for a moment, or not call right back after being hung up on, and evaluate the situation.  If they are worth it, you will take heed to this.  If not, you'll spend a lot of time wishing you could take back something that had no business being said and trying to make up for it.

But if you can take what I'm writing and grow from it and show the person you have, please do. No one is worth losing over never learning how to express yourself.


QUESTION: Have you ever been the victim of malicious words? And were you able to move forward from it? Or have you been the one with the venom? And did you wind up apologizing for it later?